Life with Ellie

Ah, a rare moment of quiet. Eric is on his ipad, Ellie is asleep in her bassinet (starting to fuss), and I have a moment to reflect on the last 11 days. We came home from the hospital a week ago yesterday and life has passed in a sleep deprived blur ever since. We got adventurous this week and went out 3 days in a row! Ellie and I both had doctor appointments, we also made a trip to Meijer and to the mall.

As most newborns do, Ellie likes to eat at least every two hours, usually more often than that. We are both finally getting the hang of the breastfeeding thing. That was one thing that really did surprise me, just how much technique there is to BF. She has had two follow up visits to the doc to check her weight gain. She had lost a full pound at the hospital and they were a little concerned about that. Once my milk came in fully she started gaining again just fine. Wednesday appointment she weighed in at 8 pounds 7 ounces. And considering she spits up more then half of what she takes in, that's pretty impressive. She is having some acid reflux type issues that we are addressing without medication. I love our doctor because she is not quick to prescribe meds if there is alternate means of treatment. So I am making sure she is not overfeeding, meaning shorter but more frequent feeds. Also keeping her as upright as possible and letting her sleep on her side rather then her back seems to be helping a lot as well.

She is staying awake for slightly longer periods of time lately but still sleeps the day away most of the time. Last night was the first night she didn't scream from 1-4am. That was when I started modifying her feedings, short but frequent. She would getting into the cycles of feed (over-eat), spit up, and scream because she was empty again. Good thing our neighbor is a sound sleeper. Last night we all got a little more sleep. Hoping for the same again tonight.

Me? I'm fine. My doctor checked my incision and it continues to heal well. I haven't needed to take any painkillers at all in the last couple of days. Still tender to the touch but my weight is down from 140 to 116. Looking forward to the day that I can fit into my jeans again. Or I might be making a trip to Goodwill to get some new ones, we shall see.

Around mid-day I hit a wall of exhaustion and take as long of a nap as Elliana will allow me to. But most of the day we sit around the living room watching the Olympics and feeding/sleeping the day away. She screams through every diaper change and every bathtime. And she is the noisiest pooper of any baby I have ever taken care of! Speaking of which, she is calling for me now, so I will end this here.

Elliana Rose: a birth story

We had a birth plan. It was a good birth plan. We rehearsed it, bought special things for it, we were ready!

In a perfect world, I would go into labor at home. I would ignore early labor by cooking or playing games or walking. When it became too much I would lay down and Eric would help me to relax with aromatherapy, visualization, water therapy, and massage. When the contractions were closer then 5 mins we would go to the hospital to be checked in. We would get through the rest of labor without the use of drugs and other interventions. My water would break during the pushing stage, we would deliver her and she would be given to me immediately. We would be home from the hospital in two days.

They warn you that having a birth plan is good but not to be married to it. And I did take that to heart because this is NOT a perfect world. And we have come so far, have spent so much money, been through too much to risk anything bad happening to our baby. In the end, the goal was always to have a healthy baby. And a beautiful healthy baby girl is what we have... this is what really happened the day(s) Elliana came into the world.

Its funny looking back now, on Saturday Feb 1st I had asked friends on facebook to try to predict her birthdate. We were one week away from our expected due date and I thought it would be fun. That night I showed a sign that labor might be close but it wasn't for sure. So I didn't do anything different. Went to bed as normal and work up multiple times in the night for the bathroom, again, totally normal. When I woke up just before 5am for like the 5th time I was getting super aggravated. On the way to the bathroom I felt a gush. Ick, I know. Discovered I had gushed blood. Quite a bit too. I got Eric up and called Labor and Delivery like I was suppose too. I wasn't in labor but the blood worried me. They told me to come in ASAP.

So we hastily threw a few more things into the hospital bag. Before we left, I was 99% sure that my bag of water had ruptured, still wasn't in labor. I was half convinced that the hospital was going to send us back home. We made it to the hospital in 10 mins and arrived around 6am. Called the parents on the way in just so everyone knew that that it was possibly the day.

My bag of water really really broke at the hospital when I was getting checked out. First thing to happen out of line with my birth plan. The second thing was that there was a lot of meconium (babies first bowel movement) in the amniotic fluid. That complicated things right away. There is a danger with the meconium that she could inhale the stuff into her lungs and cause infection/distress. They hooked me up to the fetal monitor which showed very very minor contractions that I couldn't feel, gave me an IV and told me I wasn't going to be able to eat until after I had delivered.

OK, so I wasn't on target with my birth plan but I still believed we could deliver naturally as planned. My mom came and hung out in Labor and Delivery for most of the morning but nothing was happening. I was talking and joking and getting prepared for the hard stuff. Eric and I walked the halls hoping to get things going. Walking with the IV pole and I husband with a still sore ankle was all sorts of fun, we gave that up pretty quick. I could feel some of the contractions at this point but again, they were very small and irregular. 12pm rolls around and I had made 0 progress in labor in 6 hours. Time clock on me was 18 hours of labor since the water breaking and meconium made the risk of infection very high. Around 1 or 2 I finally had to give in and allow them to give me the dreaded Pitocin to jump start labor. Our nurse for most of the day was a lady we know from church so that was really comforting that she was there. The Pitocin did its job and boy, I was miserable. Contractions in my back and in my abdomen. Eric did what he could to remind me to relax and not fight the pain. I was actually doing really good with that! I lost all track of time at this point and all I could do was get through the contractions.

At some point, I totally have no idea what time it was, the nurse came in and was suddenly concerned about Ellie's heart rate. It had been "ok" the whole day, staying around 150 and going up to 160/170 when she was moving. Well, her heart rate was staying at 180 and no going back down. A sign of distress and possible infection. They had me change positions a couple of times, trying to find a way that would get her heart rate back down. They put an oxygen mask on me and that was when I started getting scared. By now, my doctor was onsite and not leaving. They decided to discontinue using the Pitocin for the contractions. That helped her heart rate (I think) but then she was doing the opposite. Her heart rate wasn't coming up quick enough after each contraction and without the Pitocin, the contractions were less intense and more irregular. *EDIT - forgot to mention that I was not progressing as far as dilation goes, all that time and I was only at 4cm. :(

Then I heard the dreadful word C-section. By now it was midnight. I was actually drifting into semi-sleep between contractions. I was exhausted, in pain, and very scared. I told Eric to just save the baby. I signed the consents for the C-section but I could've been signing anything they wanted at that point. The rest of it is nearly a blur. They prepped me, sent Eric away with all our stuff to get ready in another room. Moved me to the OR gave me a spinal (that was all sorts of fun) and strapped down my numb body. I was shaking like a leaf and I was wondering when Eric was ever going to get in there to be with me. I kept asking where he was. He finally came in and within minutes we could here our baby for the first time. And was she ever a loud one! The cleaned her up, made sure she didn't have meconium in her lungs and gave her to Eric. My arms were strapped down and I was still shaking uncontrollably. Eric put her skin to my face but that was all we could do. Finally he left with her to do skin-on-skin in the recovery room while they stapled me up. In recovery, I finally got to hold my little girl and I finally stopped shaking. Two hours later we were moved to our mother and baby room where we stayed for 4 days before being released.

And that is our birth story. 2/3/14 9 pounds even, 19 inches long. More to come...

Frustration

I should not be frustrated. I should be grateful. I should be happy. I should be a lot of things. But right now I am frustrated and discouraged. Here I am at 38w 2d and nothing has changed since last weeks OB check. They did the NST which baby girl wanted to sleep through, I had to poke her quite a bit to get her moving. The test is pointless if they don't see the heart accelerations with her movements. Once she was awake she did fine. So that makes me happy. The growth ultrasound estimates her weight at 8 pounds. They predict a birth weight (at the due date 2/8) of 8 pounds 10 ounces.  I have no problem believing she is 8 pounds! So I am happy that she is on schedule as far as her weight goes. I am also quite relieved that they are not pushing me to induce labor, at least not yet. That would be the first step in a direction that I really do not want to go. I whole heartedly believe that she will come when she is good and ready to come, and not a day before.

That said, I do feel a little deflated. Feel a little like I'm going to be pregnant forever. All the walking, tea drinking, yoga ball bouncing that I've been doing for the last week hasn't changed or encouraged anything to start happening. We are so ready for this baby! We've stocked up on groceries, I've baked and frozen yummy food for later, everything, I mean everything, is done and ready. Except for baby girl. She isn't ready yet. I need to be patient and let her come in her own time. And try to get some sleep when I can.

feeling a little wierd

This has just been a weird feeling day. I slept awful last night but that is more the rule these days then the exception. Baby is so low that every movement is basically a punch to my bladder. That's fine, I can deal with it. Its getting me prepared for many a sleepless night to come. After I finally got up this morning I had breakfast as usual and was at my computer doing my regular checks of my websites when I had a pretty strong lightheaded/nauseous feeling.  Baby has been moving around pretty good all day and that's always a good sign. Ever since then I've had just a fuzzy almost disconnected feeling in my head. I went over to my parents and did my two miles on the treadmill. Managed to do that with only 3-4 potty breaks in the space of 45 mins, geez.

Came home from walking and was starving and wolfed down leftover dinner and chocolate chip cookies. Then, to my amazement, I was actually able to take a real nap. I haven't successfully had a real nap in months. Mostly just what I would call periods of rest. Not real sleep. Finally got myself off the couch and started looking for something to do.

Eric is off today and keeps checking in to make sure I'm ok. His truck won't start so he has the car which means I can't go anywhere anyway. His truck does this when its super cold. Its either the battery or the starter that is going bad. Normal days it works fine.

Tonight we have the final games of volleyball of the season. We are going just to show support of the team since Eric is still hobbling around on the sprained ankle. He can do so now without the cane but it is still painful for him. With the way this day is going, I'll probably spend most of the games in the bathroom!

So really, nothing is happening except the funny feeling in my head, the lowness of the baby, and feeling tired. No contractions or anything like that. Next appointment is Monday and of course its suppose to be 0 degrees out again. But this is the beginning of the end of the pregnancy and that makes me happy :)

Moving right along

Had some good news from the doctor today. We have 3 weeks left till our due date and things are finally starting to show some progress. Nothing that says she'll be here super soon but progress nonetheless. The doctor did show some concern about how big the baby seems to be, bigger then she would expect at 37 weeks I guess. We now will have a growth ultra sound next Monday (unless she arrives before then) to check on her weight. Otherwise all fluids, heart rate, and everything are good.

Life has been interesting for the last couple of days. My husband twisted his ankle really bad on Friday when he was playing basketball at church with a bunch of young kids. Swelling is down but he still has a lot of pain. We finally made the investment and bought him a cane. This ankle thing happens at least 2 times a year. The last time warranted a trip to the doctor. This time he was sure it was just twisted and not broken. So the 9 month pregnant lady has been taking out the garbage, doing the dishes, carrying in groceries, and trying to keep the house clean. Maybe that's whats been encouraging the labor progress, it would make sense. Its also making me pretty tired.

I myself have something resembling turf toe on my left foot. Painful but not swollen. Haven't been able to do my walking on the treadmill in a couple of days. Will probably try again Wednesday and see if I can make it through the 2 miles or not. All I can do is try. Walking is good for getting the baby to drop even lower and good overall for blood circulation and stuff. But if it causes me pain, I shouldn't do it. I continue to do other exercise as well.

The girls are taking over! Including our little girl, I know of 5 girls that have been born or are due to be born in the next couple of months. And not a single boy :) That's just kind of fun!

Eric is betting on birth date being Jan 26th... that would be 4 years to the day that we first met. Wonder if he will be right? :)

The way my mind works

I can't help it. I'm a worst-case-scenario type of person. Not a pessimist per se but at least a realist. Is it so wrong to expect the worst and be emotionally prepared for it and then be pleasantly surprised when it doesn't go wrong? Considering more then half the women I've talked to about their birthing experiences have had unexpected complications that led to C-sections or other interventions, you can see why I have a hard time believing that my own experience will be textbook and uncomplicated. I am trying to visualize my ideal birth experience and pray about it often, but it would be foolish to think that I'll get what I want. These things can't be controlled. All I can do is prepare and wait.

My first NST went just fine. They want to see 3 heart rate increases (aka, baby movement) over 20-30 mins of monitoring. And she performed like a champ though I think she was sleeping most of the time. She usually moves around a lot more then that. Her amniotic fluid looks good as does her position. It is her foot that is constantly trying to poke out my side and is occasionally in my rib cage. I think she has shifted down a little bit so that is good, less time in my rib cage. I'm walking 2 miles on the treadmill everyday now so I'm hoping that encourages her into position and gets the ball rolling to get the labor thing started in another week or two. I've picked up a box of raspberry leaf tea which is something Native Americans have long used for women for menstrual relief and for labor/delivery as it is said to soften the uterus. I won't start drinking that till probably 38 weeks, I still feel like 3 1/2 weeks early is too early to be born.

With that said, a friend of mine that was due the day after me had an emergency C-section. It is a little weird to see pictures of her because she is at the exact stage of development as my daughter but she is on the outside and mine is still on the inside.

We don't have a growth ultrasound scheduled so there really is no way to know her length and weight. I just know she was 3.5 pounds at 30 weeks. I guess if we go over our due date, then we may get another ultrasound. We will see. So its weekly appointments and lots of waiting for the next 3 weeks. I am excited. I am enjoying this time of quiet and just spending uninterrupted time with Eric. Soon and very soon, we will hold our daughter.

The waiting game

So now what? Four weeks till estimated due date, one week till I'm considered full term. She is head down, belly button is popping,  she is kicking me in the ribs (esp at night), and my tummy often has "corners" from her pushing on me. I am eating smaller meals but eating frequently. Tomorrow is my first NST (non-stress test). They will do just a quick ultra sound to check on fluids and visually confirm that she is head down. Exercise is getting harder as I seem to get a runners cramp type pain in my side sometimes but I will continue to try to do my walking. I don't feel like I'm getting a lot out of my yoga routine at the moment. But I will continue to do my squats, keigles, and other stretches. We need to step up practicing our relaxation techniques. I still have books to read and I will go to my first La Leche League meeting this Tuesday morning.

The rest of the time is just waiting. Waiting to start effacing, waiting to start dilating, waiting for her to drop lower. If  I hadn't left my job when I did I would have all sorts of stuff to keep me busy this month, but darned if I haven't done it all already! So I will rest as much as the little munchkin will let me and take care of the last things that need to be done. Eric is convinced she is going to come early, I'm just hoping not too early. As of today, weight gain is about 36 pounds, so pretty normal. Lets hope and pray things stay normal!