low-sugar, low-carb

A pretty salad

A healthy breakfast

It has not escaped the notice of 3.5 year old Ellie that Eric and I embarked on a low sugar, low carb diet about a week ago. It no wonder since she hears and sees everything and asks 4,000 questions a day about things she doesn't know or sees that she doesn't understand. And, patiently as we can, we answer her questions.

Eric is doing the diet more hardcore and has seen significant results in less than a weeks time. I'm doing a more moderate version because I'm breastfeeding and I need all the carbs/calories/dairy or I may lose my milk supply. Nope, not gonna risk it. I am, however, all but eliminating added sugars (God help me, Tyler is still up 2-3 times at night and I need my coffee!) and doing healthier snacks and whole grains as much as I can.

Ellie asks after an Aldi trip "Did you buy any sugar?" No I did not :) At lunch today "Is macaroni and cheese part of daddy's diet?" No Ellie, its not. We are taking extra time to explain to her that, yes, we are changing what we eat (really trying not to use the word 'diet' as much) so that we put more vitamins, vegetables, and proteins into our bodies so that we can stay healthy and strong. Today I pointed out to her the differences in the 3 of us. I told her that she is a little girl and that she runs around all day and plays and has fun. She can and should have mac and cheese for lunch. Its good for her and helps her to stay strong and have energy to run and play. I was having a frozen GF pasta and meat entree because I had an intense 30 min work out today and needed fuel. I told her that its ok for me because I did a lot of exercise today. I then told her that daddy works at a desk (she has been there, she understands) and he doesn't run or exercise. So the mac and cheese wouldn't help his body be strong but only maybe not healthy, but sick.

I'm struggling not to use the F word "fat", or even 'big'. Its not something I want to reinforce in her understanding. I want it to be positive, healthy, strong. Heaven forbid she walks up to someone overweight and tells them they are fat! I do want her to understand how food affects our bodies and our daily activities as well. We don't allow Ellie to have soda hardly ever, we don't keep it in the house. Her fruit juice is only Honest Kids brand which has 1/3 less sugar and is sweetened only with fruit juice. She gets a small candy after finishing a meal. And that's about it.

We are starting to restrict her breakfast options a little. She has a pretty steady breakfast of either french toast, pancakes, or waffles (all frozen, never ever could prepare the real thing everyday, I'm not super mom!). Every now and then she will have eggs or cereal (non sugar coated). So new rule goes into affect next week when she starts pre-k. On school days, only eggs or cereal for breakfast. Plus yogurt or fruit if she wants it. Its only two days a week but at least its a start. There is so much sugar in the a) syrup and b) carbs and hardly anything "good" in it as far vitamins and protein go. I have eggs most every day so it won't be hard to scramble some up for her too.

This whole diet thing actually comes pretty easy to me. I like the healthier options. Avocado, various veggies, salads with vinaigrette dressing (actually reminds me of Bolivia where olive oil and red wine vinegar are the staple salad dressings), fruits, trying new dinner dishes with spaghetti squash, riced cauliflower, ect. Its a work in progress but I am so proud of Eric for doing it (also it was his idea to begin with it) even though he is fairly miserable. Hopefully in a few weeks time it will get easier and the results will be obvious for us both. Yay! for healthy living!

Forever in Limbo

We have finally hit a fork in the road. After more than 18 months of waiting for a ministry job for Eric to open up we are in the final stretch of waiting to see if this latest church decides to extend a call to him. Also in a the next few weeks we should receive the official word that Eric has been accepted to Seminary in STL. We started the application process for Sem since there were no job options for Eric with the Lay ministry certification that he has. Thanks to one of our pastors (and friend), Eric has been interviewing with a church in Northern IL for a position that he is qualified to fill with his lay ministry education. The interviews went well and we are hoping for a call. However, Sem remains another possible route. We don't know exactly that the Lord has in store for us, we do know that a big change is coming. Whether that change be in a month or in 8 months, we don't know.

We continue to live lease-free in an apt owned by a friend from church. Its less than ideal in a lot of ways (read: there is a lot of things I just love to hate about it) since our family has grown since we moved into it and well, yeah, its well past time to move on.

The problem (one of the many) with Sem as the alternate route is that in continues to put off our ability to settle down somewhere. We will have another 2 years of 'limbo' followed by vicerage. Folks, limbo is hard. Never knowing when a move will happen or to where or what your new family budget will be, esp with a kiddo starting preschool. I'd love for my kids to have a yard to call their own, a home we can do what we please with, a place to finally just be for more than a year. It is true however, that the more difficult the path, the more you grow. And this most certainly true for these two routes as well.

We hope that this phase of limbo is over soon. But if limbo is where God wants us, then that is where we will stay. Lord help me.

Our 4th of July weekend

Lots of pictures to share from this long holiday weekend. We are trying to not spend a ton of money right now so we kept things pretty low key. We took some time Saturday to walk around a local farmers market and visit some small shops. Selfie came out pretty good.

Sunday our church was finishing a series they called "Bod 4 God" that was pretty good at tying physical fitness in with serving God and being the best you can be. They arranged for an early Sunday morning 5k through the neighborhood. I'm still getting my endurance back and struggling with reoccuring shin splints so I did NOT try to run the whole thing. Plus I was running with Ellie in my new Bob stroller. Running with resistance, up hills, while injured and out of shape... yeah it was hard. I followed my training plan, then doubled back to switch strollers with Eric who had been walking with Tyler. 

Today was the actual 4th of July. Eric and I both started the day with a short run (not together) and then packed up for our first 4th of July parade as a family of 4. Tyler actually did great. I picked him up from sleeping when the sirens got close and just cuddled him, shielding his ears as best I could. He didn't cry once or need to comfort nurse. It was pretty hot and we were thankful for our semi shady spot. Lot of candy was collected.

Had to get a picture of our chubby babies!

These girls were pros at collecting the loot.

Mom had to work today but Dad and Vince still made it to the parade.

When all was said and done, this boy was pooped from all the activity.

Saved these for last. This is ellie and her best friend Hannah from 2014, 2015, and this year. Love the progression!

Fitness and Me

I never used to be a big fitness person. I had always been lucky to have a high metabolism that basically let me eat anything I wanted without much effect. I also, for last last 20 some years, thought I had chronically "bad knees" that prevented me from pursing any kind of athletic activity.  I occasionally joined the gym just so I could try to be stronger, more toned but it was always in spurts and rather random. Never once thought I should be working out in a structured way.

The first thing to change was my diet, specifically my intolerance. Lactose intolerance started around age 15. I don't even know what age it was that my body started rejecting anything that came out of the kitchen at McDonalds. I don't avoid dairy, I found an OTC enzyme that lets me enjoy my diary (anything but ice cream) so I didn't have to give it up, its not an allergy. And then a year into our marriage came the gluten intolerance discovery, so about 6 years ago now. Now that one wrecked havoc on my diet. But it has caused me to eat much healthier, make my meals from scratch, and become a label reader. You can, however, still eat a ton of junk food while being gluten free. Great and no so great at the same time.

After we were married I randomly took up yoga (P90X version, hard stuff) until I got pregnant with Ellie in 2013. I continued to do prenatal yoga through my pregnancy but basically gave everything up after she was born. I never got back to my pre-pregnancy weight but I was OK with that. I was too thin and the weight actually rounded me out a little. It was nice. I'd always have a belly but thats par for the course for most mamas. It wasn't until we lost Lexie in 2015 that my fitness obsession kicked into full gear. That grief propelled me into a life I could not have imagined before. Not only has it kept me from being overwhelmed by depression its given me new life, new goals and challenges.

I still feel like a novice when it comes to running, even though I ran a 10K last year. I rely heavily on my running group, internet articles, and a good physical therapist. I gained a lot more weight with Tyler and since he is my last, I want to fit back into my pre-pregnancy clothes. I had toned up nicely after Lexie so I have a long ways to go at this point. And trying to find time to work out with a 3 year old and a 3 month old is anything but easy. I can't run with Tyler in the jogger till he is 8  months old. I can't leave him (unless sound asleep) for much more than 30 mins before he's melting down. He is also now refusing a bottle. He just wants mama!  I'm cross training with Spin, ellipical, and core/upperbody work, both at home and at the Y. I've started back on an run/walk interval program to rebuild my endurance. I'm trying to eat better, hard when your constantly hungry from working out. I'm still finding myself struggling with tendinitis. The shin pain is back in my left leg and my left hip is really tight. So back to PT I go or it will also just get worse. The last month or so of my vamped up workouts is having an affect on the scale which is good but I don't want to do it at the cost of injury.

I love being a fitness junkie! I love how it makes me feel and the effect it has on my body. Just wish I would have discovered this all years ago...

Back running

10 months on the couch. Well, not literally. But I did 0 exercise during my pregnancy. Not even yoga, no extensive walking. I was just too scared. Towards the end I was just so big, and he was just so low that even walking around the store was a challenge. So now I'm back in my running shoes. Even with a couple of weeks of YMCA work outs, core and leg strengthening, my body was not prepared for my first run in 10 months last weekend. Oh.My.Word. Sore doesn't even begin to describe it. I am radically changing my running form so that, on top of my wimpy leg muscles, turned me into a hobbling, miserable mess for a few days. That first run was 4 days ago and ankle muscles are still store. Yesterday I ran a mile on the treadmill and focused on fewer form changes and that helped a little with consistent steps. Plus no inclines and the treadmill regulating my speed. Only stopped to walk 2-3 times. Since yesterday I've had a sharp, sharp pain in my knee. My hamstrings were bad yesterday but better today thanks to the foam roller. The knee is worrisome. Could be "runners knee" or just my body trying to get back into shape. Either way, stairs are very hard to do, esp since I'm carrying a 13.5 pound baby plus carrier when I'm on them. Ice today didn't seem to help. Hoping all these aches and pains go away soon and I can get my running groove back.

I am working a lot on my core strength. Doing panks everyday, up to a minute now which is pretty good for me. Leg raises and sit ups too. So much more I could do if I had time. The tiny humans make home workouts very hard to do. Loving the YMCA and the daycare that is included. Tyler has slept through every time I've left him. Someday I'm sure he will wake up while there and when he doesn't stop crying, they will come get me. For now I will enjoy the break from the kiddos and do something good for me. Still about 15ish pounds to lose!

4th Trimester

Never really a good time to blog. At night when I'm so exhausted I'm ready for bed at 7? While both kids are napping? Not a chance. So at the moment, while exhausted, Tyler is sleeping in his car seat amazingly and Ellie is entertaining herself, albeit, very loudly. Well see how long this window lasts.

I am exhausted to the point that I want to cry every single day. Tyler is up every 2ish hours at night making a decent nights sleep impossible. I feel tired in my bones. Nursing is going ok, I hardly have supply, much less time, to pump a lot to get a freezer stash for babysitting/emergency purposes. I stress a lot about my milk supply, never feeling like there is really a surplus there, only just what he needs. I guess thats ok but I'd much rather have too much. Solution? Pump. When? Since he cluster feeds often or at best goes 1.5 hours during the day unless he has a rare awesome nap. He is 6 weeks old tomorrow and getting a round belly and a double chin. And cheeks I just love to kiss. I unofficially weighted him this week and came out with about 10 pounds 6 ounces. Birth was 9.5 so thats pretty good! I eat "lactation" cookies all day and it does seem to help the milk a bit, plus drinking as much water as I can. The cookies are not helping that 20 extra pounds I'm still carrying.

I have gotten a Y membership so I can start working out. When I'm going to have the energy is another thing entirely. But I need to start getting my blood moving, no just for the weight, but for my mental health. I haven't worked out in almost a year. Far too long. But with a high risk, anxiety filled pregnancy followed by c-section, I had very little choice. My brain is very foggy, I can't always make decisions, make thoughts connect with each other. So if this entry is kinda all over the place, well, welcome to the 4th trimester.

And yes, 4th trimester is def a thing. I guess its just post-partum but why not just call it the next trimester. When your pregnant you focus a lot on what happens on what trimester and look forward to it and then check it off the list when happens. I feel very stressed when I house is a wreck. I feel very stressed that I have bought 3 or 4 shirts that I can wear since none of my pre pregnancy clothes will fit. I'm still wearing maternity pants and some shirts. I feel stressed because when I go out with my kids I can't get anything to the car except the kids and the diaper bag because I have to park a bock away from my car and can't make two trips without leaving the kids unattended. Plus the flight of stairs and 20 pounds worth of baby and carrier. Getting shopping bags into the house solo is also impossible. I also can't leave Tyler for more than 30 mins without him screaming for me to come back. No one can console him, not ever Eric sometimes. I feel bad even taking a shower or running to target.

There are good moments amidst all of the hard stuff. Cute pictures and fun memories. Ellie is part helpful part driving me mad. She is independent in a lot of ways but still finds ways to get attention and is not very good at "wait 5 mins". She wants what she wants and she wants it right now. she is very sweet to Tyler, fetching his paci, singing to him, bringing him toys. She is also 3. And she is just being 3. There is not enough room in this house to separate the noisy 3yo from the sleeping baby. We just do the best we can.

And with that I think my window of opportunity is closing. I'll add a few pictures and sign off for now.

Hospital stay 3.0: Tyler's Birth Story

A few weeks ago we learned that our baby boy was measuring larger than expected for his gestational age. We also learned that his sac of water was also higher than it should be. Bigger babies, bigger water sacs I guess. Didn't mean there was anything wrong, but both factors pointed to an earlier than originally estimated due date. Last Tuesday I had a repeat of that growth ultrasound to check to see how large he was and to check the water level. They told me his estimated weight was already at 9.9 pounds and I was only at 36 weeks. But he was otherwise looking good, head down, really low down in the pelvis. Nothing to do but wait and wonder when it was all going to happen. And I was uncomfortable! But I knew I had limited days left before birth and did my best to get errands done and get rest as much as I could. I also at that point began to accept that there was little chance I'd get the VBAC birth that I wanted. I just wanted him our healthy and alive.

Last Wednesday I made a mistake in cooking dinner and basically ruined it. To tired to come up with another dinner we decided to let me rest and went out to Fridays. Ellie was less than manageable. Its been a long time since we have taken her out to a real restaurant like that. But hey, at least I didn't have to cook the meal or clean it up. Afterwards we stopped for a couple of things at Target and headed home. Ellie was wired from the evenings events and took longer than usual to get to bed. Finally got myself to bed shortly after the Cubs game started. Sleep has been a challenge for a while now, I was just so uncomfortable. 11PM rolled around and I felt my water break. Got me out of bed quick to say the least. I ran to the bathroom to make sure it was what I thought it was. I ran to the living room (a fast waddle anyway) to tell Eric it was time to go. Problem was what to do with Ellie. I called my mom a dozen times and for some reason, the phone that was right next to her, did not wake her up. So we loaded up our hospital bags and a very tired Ellie and got in the car. Woke my mom at her house, left Ellie and drove to the hospital. I continued to gush water every where. I didn't want to ruin my shoes so I  walked into the hospital barefoot and soaked from the waist down. It was SO gross. I had to ask for towels to sit on on the wheelchair or I would have left a trail down the hallway. I had no idea I had that much water to loose! Yikes! Minor contractions had begun in the car along with a lot of pressure.

I was taken straight to a L&D room and finally changed out of the gross clothes. And then we waited. Waited for my doctor to show up, waited for contractions to get stronger, waited to see what all was going to happen. They had me on a monitor to watch contractions and baby's heartbeat. I was contracting and it was getting more painful. But baby wasn't doing well. He wasn't doing awful but even after several position changes, his heart was sluggish at best. My doctor was really great. He is a huge supporter of VBAC and really wanted what was best for us. Seeing that he was already estimated at over 9 pounds and that they were worried about his heartbeat and we hadn't even scratched the surface of labor yet, he did encourage me to have the csection. And I agreed. I refuse to risk loosing another baby simply because I desired a certain kind of birth.

So my second csection was much less stressful than my first. We kinda were all talking and laughing through most of it. Once they could see him the commentary went like this "His long hair is ready for a pony tail!" "Is that an umbilical cord or a fire hose?" "Look at the size of that head!" "Kim, this boy was never going to come out, he's huge." (Nurse) "I'm having a hard time holding him he is so heavy, Kim look to your left." "Dad, come on over and introduce yourself." I did look to my left and oh my word, all I saw were rolls of fat!. 4:27am, 9 pounds 5 ounces, 20.5 inches long. Ellie was 9 even and 19 inches. Born at 36w6d he actually qualifies as a preemie. Biggest preemie I ever heard of. That said, he also falls under the category of wimpy white boy as you'll see why. 

Thank the Lord, he did not require any NICU time. He had some trouble regulating his blood sugar directly after birth but that resolved pretty quickly. He even latched pretty quickly while in recovery but never really started feeding. Early babies tend to have more trouble with breastfeeding. they grow tired and fall asleep before they are able to coax out the colostrum (early milk) and/or have trouble creating/keeping the latch. So even though we are home, we are still working on feeding. After 24 hours he was testing high for bilirubin which could lead to jaundice if not addressed. He simply wasn't getting enough from me to flush the stuff out of his system. So we started supplementing with formula and pumping and working with lactation for a latch. 

The first night we got no sleep at all. The second night was only quick naps here and there. The third night was pretty good with only a few wake ups (he was in nursery for a car seat test) and the forth night I was up with him more than Eric since I was actually able to get out of bed more and tend to him. Now we are home and he has been sleeping pretty much all day. He barely wakes up to eat. Which adds to the latching problems. So that pretty much sums it up. Here are some favorite pictures.