Fitness and Me

I never used to be a big fitness person. I had always been lucky to have a high metabolism that basically let me eat anything I wanted without much effect. I also, for last last 20 some years, thought I had chronically "bad knees" that prevented me from pursing any kind of athletic activity.  I occasionally joined the gym just so I could try to be stronger, more toned but it was always in spurts and rather random. Never once thought I should be working out in a structured way.

The first thing to change was my diet, specifically my intolerance. Lactose intolerance started around age 15. I don't even know what age it was that my body started rejecting anything that came out of the kitchen at McDonalds. I don't avoid dairy, I found an OTC enzyme that lets me enjoy my diary (anything but ice cream) so I didn't have to give it up, its not an allergy. And then a year into our marriage came the gluten intolerance discovery, so about 6 years ago now. Now that one wrecked havoc on my diet. But it has caused me to eat much healthier, make my meals from scratch, and become a label reader. You can, however, still eat a ton of junk food while being gluten free. Great and no so great at the same time.

After we were married I randomly took up yoga (P90X version, hard stuff) until I got pregnant with Ellie in 2013. I continued to do prenatal yoga through my pregnancy but basically gave everything up after she was born. I never got back to my pre-pregnancy weight but I was OK with that. I was too thin and the weight actually rounded me out a little. It was nice. I'd always have a belly but thats par for the course for most mamas. It wasn't until we lost Lexie in 2015 that my fitness obsession kicked into full gear. That grief propelled me into a life I could not have imagined before. Not only has it kept me from being overwhelmed by depression its given me new life, new goals and challenges.

I still feel like a novice when it comes to running, even though I ran a 10K last year. I rely heavily on my running group, internet articles, and a good physical therapist. I gained a lot more weight with Tyler and since he is my last, I want to fit back into my pre-pregnancy clothes. I had toned up nicely after Lexie so I have a long ways to go at this point. And trying to find time to work out with a 3 year old and a 3 month old is anything but easy. I can't run with Tyler in the jogger till he is 8  months old. I can't leave him (unless sound asleep) for much more than 30 mins before he's melting down. He is also now refusing a bottle. He just wants mama!  I'm cross training with Spin, ellipical, and core/upperbody work, both at home and at the Y. I've started back on an run/walk interval program to rebuild my endurance. I'm trying to eat better, hard when your constantly hungry from working out. I'm still finding myself struggling with tendinitis. The shin pain is back in my left leg and my left hip is really tight. So back to PT I go or it will also just get worse. The last month or so of my vamped up workouts is having an affect on the scale which is good but I don't want to do it at the cost of injury.

I love being a fitness junkie! I love how it makes me feel and the effect it has on my body. Just wish I would have discovered this all years ago...

Back running

10 months on the couch. Well, not literally. But I did 0 exercise during my pregnancy. Not even yoga, no extensive walking. I was just too scared. Towards the end I was just so big, and he was just so low that even walking around the store was a challenge. So now I'm back in my running shoes. Even with a couple of weeks of YMCA work outs, core and leg strengthening, my body was not prepared for my first run in 10 months last weekend. Oh.My.Word. Sore doesn't even begin to describe it. I am radically changing my running form so that, on top of my wimpy leg muscles, turned me into a hobbling, miserable mess for a few days. That first run was 4 days ago and ankle muscles are still store. Yesterday I ran a mile on the treadmill and focused on fewer form changes and that helped a little with consistent steps. Plus no inclines and the treadmill regulating my speed. Only stopped to walk 2-3 times. Since yesterday I've had a sharp, sharp pain in my knee. My hamstrings were bad yesterday but better today thanks to the foam roller. The knee is worrisome. Could be "runners knee" or just my body trying to get back into shape. Either way, stairs are very hard to do, esp since I'm carrying a 13.5 pound baby plus carrier when I'm on them. Ice today didn't seem to help. Hoping all these aches and pains go away soon and I can get my running groove back.

I am working a lot on my core strength. Doing panks everyday, up to a minute now which is pretty good for me. Leg raises and sit ups too. So much more I could do if I had time. The tiny humans make home workouts very hard to do. Loving the YMCA and the daycare that is included. Tyler has slept through every time I've left him. Someday I'm sure he will wake up while there and when he doesn't stop crying, they will come get me. For now I will enjoy the break from the kiddos and do something good for me. Still about 15ish pounds to lose!

4th Trimester

Never really a good time to blog. At night when I'm so exhausted I'm ready for bed at 7? While both kids are napping? Not a chance. So at the moment, while exhausted, Tyler is sleeping in his car seat amazingly and Ellie is entertaining herself, albeit, very loudly. Well see how long this window lasts.

I am exhausted to the point that I want to cry every single day. Tyler is up every 2ish hours at night making a decent nights sleep impossible. I feel tired in my bones. Nursing is going ok, I hardly have supply, much less time, to pump a lot to get a freezer stash for babysitting/emergency purposes. I stress a lot about my milk supply, never feeling like there is really a surplus there, only just what he needs. I guess thats ok but I'd much rather have too much. Solution? Pump. When? Since he cluster feeds often or at best goes 1.5 hours during the day unless he has a rare awesome nap. He is 6 weeks old tomorrow and getting a round belly and a double chin. And cheeks I just love to kiss. I unofficially weighted him this week and came out with about 10 pounds 6 ounces. Birth was 9.5 so thats pretty good! I eat "lactation" cookies all day and it does seem to help the milk a bit, plus drinking as much water as I can. The cookies are not helping that 20 extra pounds I'm still carrying.

I have gotten a Y membership so I can start working out. When I'm going to have the energy is another thing entirely. But I need to start getting my blood moving, no just for the weight, but for my mental health. I haven't worked out in almost a year. Far too long. But with a high risk, anxiety filled pregnancy followed by c-section, I had very little choice. My brain is very foggy, I can't always make decisions, make thoughts connect with each other. So if this entry is kinda all over the place, well, welcome to the 4th trimester.

And yes, 4th trimester is def a thing. I guess its just post-partum but why not just call it the next trimester. When your pregnant you focus a lot on what happens on what trimester and look forward to it and then check it off the list when happens. I feel very stressed when I house is a wreck. I feel very stressed that I have bought 3 or 4 shirts that I can wear since none of my pre pregnancy clothes will fit. I'm still wearing maternity pants and some shirts. I feel stressed because when I go out with my kids I can't get anything to the car except the kids and the diaper bag because I have to park a bock away from my car and can't make two trips without leaving the kids unattended. Plus the flight of stairs and 20 pounds worth of baby and carrier. Getting shopping bags into the house solo is also impossible. I also can't leave Tyler for more than 30 mins without him screaming for me to come back. No one can console him, not ever Eric sometimes. I feel bad even taking a shower or running to target.

There are good moments amidst all of the hard stuff. Cute pictures and fun memories. Ellie is part helpful part driving me mad. She is independent in a lot of ways but still finds ways to get attention and is not very good at "wait 5 mins". She wants what she wants and she wants it right now. she is very sweet to Tyler, fetching his paci, singing to him, bringing him toys. She is also 3. And she is just being 3. There is not enough room in this house to separate the noisy 3yo from the sleeping baby. We just do the best we can.

And with that I think my window of opportunity is closing. I'll add a few pictures and sign off for now.

Hospital stay 3.0: Tyler's Birth Story

A few weeks ago we learned that our baby boy was measuring larger than expected for his gestational age. We also learned that his sac of water was also higher than it should be. Bigger babies, bigger water sacs I guess. Didn't mean there was anything wrong, but both factors pointed to an earlier than originally estimated due date. Last Tuesday I had a repeat of that growth ultrasound to check to see how large he was and to check the water level. They told me his estimated weight was already at 9.9 pounds and I was only at 36 weeks. But he was otherwise looking good, head down, really low down in the pelvis. Nothing to do but wait and wonder when it was all going to happen. And I was uncomfortable! But I knew I had limited days left before birth and did my best to get errands done and get rest as much as I could. I also at that point began to accept that there was little chance I'd get the VBAC birth that I wanted. I just wanted him our healthy and alive.

Last Wednesday I made a mistake in cooking dinner and basically ruined it. To tired to come up with another dinner we decided to let me rest and went out to Fridays. Ellie was less than manageable. Its been a long time since we have taken her out to a real restaurant like that. But hey, at least I didn't have to cook the meal or clean it up. Afterwards we stopped for a couple of things at Target and headed home. Ellie was wired from the evenings events and took longer than usual to get to bed. Finally got myself to bed shortly after the Cubs game started. Sleep has been a challenge for a while now, I was just so uncomfortable. 11PM rolled around and I felt my water break. Got me out of bed quick to say the least. I ran to the bathroom to make sure it was what I thought it was. I ran to the living room (a fast waddle anyway) to tell Eric it was time to go. Problem was what to do with Ellie. I called my mom a dozen times and for some reason, the phone that was right next to her, did not wake her up. So we loaded up our hospital bags and a very tired Ellie and got in the car. Woke my mom at her house, left Ellie and drove to the hospital. I continued to gush water every where. I didn't want to ruin my shoes so I  walked into the hospital barefoot and soaked from the waist down. It was SO gross. I had to ask for towels to sit on on the wheelchair or I would have left a trail down the hallway. I had no idea I had that much water to loose! Yikes! Minor contractions had begun in the car along with a lot of pressure.

I was taken straight to a L&D room and finally changed out of the gross clothes. And then we waited. Waited for my doctor to show up, waited for contractions to get stronger, waited to see what all was going to happen. They had me on a monitor to watch contractions and baby's heartbeat. I was contracting and it was getting more painful. But baby wasn't doing well. He wasn't doing awful but even after several position changes, his heart was sluggish at best. My doctor was really great. He is a huge supporter of VBAC and really wanted what was best for us. Seeing that he was already estimated at over 9 pounds and that they were worried about his heartbeat and we hadn't even scratched the surface of labor yet, he did encourage me to have the csection. And I agreed. I refuse to risk loosing another baby simply because I desired a certain kind of birth.

So my second csection was much less stressful than my first. We kinda were all talking and laughing through most of it. Once they could see him the commentary went like this "His long hair is ready for a pony tail!" "Is that an umbilical cord or a fire hose?" "Look at the size of that head!" "Kim, this boy was never going to come out, he's huge." (Nurse) "I'm having a hard time holding him he is so heavy, Kim look to your left." "Dad, come on over and introduce yourself." I did look to my left and oh my word, all I saw were rolls of fat!. 4:27am, 9 pounds 5 ounces, 20.5 inches long. Ellie was 9 even and 19 inches. Born at 36w6d he actually qualifies as a preemie. Biggest preemie I ever heard of. That said, he also falls under the category of wimpy white boy as you'll see why. 

Thank the Lord, he did not require any NICU time. He had some trouble regulating his blood sugar directly after birth but that resolved pretty quickly. He even latched pretty quickly while in recovery but never really started feeding. Early babies tend to have more trouble with breastfeeding. they grow tired and fall asleep before they are able to coax out the colostrum (early milk) and/or have trouble creating/keeping the latch. So even though we are home, we are still working on feeding. After 24 hours he was testing high for bilirubin which could lead to jaundice if not addressed. He simply wasn't getting enough from me to flush the stuff out of his system. So we started supplementing with formula and pumping and working with lactation for a latch. 

The first night we got no sleep at all. The second night was only quick naps here and there. The third night was pretty good with only a few wake ups (he was in nursery for a car seat test) and the forth night I was up with him more than Eric since I was actually able to get out of bed more and tend to him. Now we are home and he has been sleeping pretty much all day. He barely wakes up to eat. Which adds to the latching problems. So that pretty much sums it up. Here are some favorite pictures. 

Baby Gradberg watch 2017

Today I am 35 weeks. I am huge. I've gain about 45 pounds and everything hurts. Sciatica, ligaments, the whole belly really. 'Tis the end of the journey. Baby should be around 7 pounds, plus the extra water I mentioned last entry. This past Sunday I started experiencing my first ever Braxton Hicks contractions. For those of you unaware, BH  can happen throughout a pregnancy but are rarely felt until 3rd trimester. I never felt them with Ellie so this is a new experience for me. They started out so irregular and so short that I wasn't paying a lot of attention to them. And it was usually when I was doing too much, like grocery shopping.  BH don't mean labor has begun, they are kind of like practice contractions and its just something my body does. They don't affect the baby or cause any dilation. Being my first experience with this  I have been hyper alert to them. My doctors say if I have more than 6-8 in an hour I should get checked out to make sure its not actually labor. Esp this early.

Well, yesterday I was getting 5-6 an hour but pretty irregular and not at all painful. Just like a tight squeeze. All while I was basically being a couch potato and doing very, very little. They tapered off just before I went to bed, of course after I broke down and finally called the on call doctor, and slept really well thankfully. But as soon as I got up this morning they were stronger and coming every 15 mins. I thought for sure it had turned into real contractions. But nope, tapered off again. I had a non-stress test scheduled for this morning so Eric decided to stay home just in case we needed to go to the hospital. Only one 'contraction' during the 15 min test and they said it was just BH, nothing real. So I didn't get to see a doctor today.

I do think it means by body is getting ready to kick this baby out. Walking anywhere to do anything is quite painful so I am sitting a lot. Drinking a lot of water and basically waiting for labor or my water to break. We would all like to meet him but 36 weeks would be a little better for him to be born. Every week he stays in the better off he will be and hopefully  not have nicu time. We still run a high csection risk. If water breaks and he is breach, csection. If water breaks and no labor starts (like Ellie), csection. I just pray that I can have my baby and keep him with me and bring him home with me like I want, like we did with Ellie. Financially it would be more than difficult for us to pay both his and my high deductible insurance. But having him get help if he needs it is so much more important than money.

So now we wait. When will be the little man's birthday?

nesting and other news

Well, we got the news this week that I am indeed carrying a larger than normal 33 week old baby. Larger by almost 2 pounds over the norm. Also my water is in the high side. This explains why everyone thinks I'm due a lot sooner than I actually am. It explains why I ache so much and probably why the sciatica is so bad. And possibly also why I've already gained the average weight gain. I'll have another ultrasound to check on him in 4 weeks, if I'm still pregnant by then. And I do hope that I am! Big baby or not, he still needs to cook long enough for his lungs to fully develop and to learn the drink/swallow/breath technique. I want to avoid the NICU stay if I can at all help it. But most importantly, I want my baby born alive and healthy.

These new developments do raise my anxiety level again. The big baby + the high water = increased likelihood of water breaking earlier than 40 weeks. It also increases some other risks that I wish I had not researched. He will be born when God plans for him to be born. I have a great circle of family and friends ready and willing to help with Ellie when the day comes. I've been putting an action plan together for worst-case scenerios and hoping for the best. Hope for the best, plan for the worst right? The best would be that labor would start in a typical fashion without any scary bleeding or pain. That it would start in the evening or overnight or on a weekend when Eric is not in the city. Not knowing when its all going to start is the hardest part. At the ultrasound this week he was head down which is good but because of the high water, he can easily flip into and out of breech. We just hope he is head down when water breaks or labor starts.

If his is running 3-4 weeks ahead on weight (doctors best estimate of his weight anyway) I am preparing for a 36-37 week delivery. Which is only 3-4 weeks from now. Scary thought! Been doing a lot of nesting this morning. The 3yo is always trying to help but after everything I say, and I do mean everything is the incessant "why." And honestly by the end of the day I wish I could just ignore her. The questions lately have been non stop. Today she is napping and I am taking a much needed breather for cleaning, organizing, shopping, and her questions. Sleep has been hard to come by thanks to heartburn :( So my patience, energy, fatigue levels have all been effected by that. There is so much cleaning and organizing to do that I am feeling overwhelmed. I can't do it all by myself but there is only so much I can put on Eric's honey-do list. So my sciatica is bad right now and I'm kicking myself for doing as much as I did this morning. I hate feeling handicapped just because I'm pregnant. So please, please, little boy, stay in for another 4 weeks! Let us get everything done, let your big body develop all the things it needs to and don't start your labor with anything scary!

Ellie's 3!

Our little miracle turned 3 last Friday. We had two days of birthday celebration fun and took some fun pictures. She saw her doctor today for her well-child checkup and she is spot on for all her developmental milestones if not slightly ahead. She is 31 pounds (54 percentile) and 36 1/2 inches tall (37 percentile) both all good and average.

She continues to amaze with her use of verbal expressions, tones, and facial expressions in her language. She is a total copy cat and will repeat most anything she hears. She learned "stupid" from Charlie Brown of all things and she's been corrected not to use it. So when Eric and I say it (not in a mean context or at someone) we get corrected. "Why daddy say 'stupid'"? yeah need to watch ourselves more. She is also the never ending question generator. What you are doing? Where are we going? Why are you doing that? What is that? What did you say? And on and on endlessly. She is stubborn and we have our behavior problems but we are managing it ok so far. Hard to say what will happen with her behaviors when baby boy arrives. I guess we will cross that bridge when we get there.

She is 99% potty trained with only an accident or two per week. Seems to happen when she is really tired or having a difficult time with #2. But overall she is doing really good going potty where ever she is and with whomever. She rarely asks for her reward stickers anymore but will still ask for a prize every now and then. Trying to use them more now for rewards for obedience like cleaning up her toys, good behavior, finishing her meals, etc.

Even on a good day, my house looks like a tornado went through her toys. Trying to brainstorm ways to keep it organized and off the floor since its is increasingly difficult for me to sit on the floor or pick things up off of it. 35 pounds on my midsection will do that and I still have 9 weeks to go. I really want to ditch the toy box in favor of a shelving unit with small tubs and get some basket type things for a large living room bookshelf as well.

She continues to love to paint and I am always looking for easy toddler crafts to do with her. She really loves helping me make cookies so this week or next we will do some sugar cookies for valentines day. She does always want to "help" which is not easy to let her do. I try to find little things she can do without potentially hurting herself. At least when it comes to cooking. Helping with sweeping and cleaning she can 'help' all she wants, so long as its not actually contributing to the mess. Which does happen.

She loves chasing her friends around in circles, taking selfies, typing on the computer and spelling out her name and whatever words she asks us to spell for her. She is hit or miss these days with reading books but has a few classics she always brings out. She likes TV a little too much but is starting to pay attention to longer movies better. Want to take her to a theater soon but waiting for the right movie to come out. I wish I could say she eats everything I put in front of her but that would be a bold faced lie. She eats well enough to continue to grow but is very picky and meal times can be the most frustrating. Hope she grows out of it soon.

So here are some pictures from her birthday celebrations

Birthday breakfast at IHOP. Note to self: IHOP has become ridiculously overpriced. Never again. She enjoyed herself though

Birthday gift #1 from mom and dad

Painting smock!

Found an amazingly yummy gluten free cake at Jewel that we all enjoyed

At the end of the day, she is still my baby girl. Love her cuddles.

Family birthday party which we themed "silly hat party"

Gradberg grandpartents

Leardi Aunt, Unlce, cousins

Aunt Krissy, Uncle Vince, cousin Jae, and Grandma Leardi

There is more than one way to eat a piece of cake apprently

Just before blowing out the candles