Becoming THAT mom

Mother's day 2016

I'm turning 35 this Friday. Yep. 35. It kinda snuck up on me. 15 years ago, I never could have dreamed that this is where I would be. Never would have believed I'd live in Bolivia for 2 years, that I would suffer through years of infertility and have to resort to the best medical science has to offer to be able to have my children. Never would have believed I'd lose a pregnancy. I also never would have believed I'd be running 5ks and working on a 10k. I did dream of being married to an amazing guy (check!) and of having children (check!) and someday working in ministry with my husband (soon to be - check!). Life happens. Rarely does it go as planned but I still believe that God has a reason for all the things that have happened in my life. A FB friend lost a pregnancy at 19 weeks today... the heartache is still real, always will be.

Anyway! As I watch myself in everyday life I realize I've become THAT mom. My hair is daily in a pony tail because I work out or run in the morning. I'm wearing my work out clothes for most of the day. Jeans are not my friend these days. Nothing fits quite right. I lost some weight but not all the weight on the tummy that I would have liked. Too tight, too loose, too... I don't know, unflattering. And guess what? No money to go out and buy better ones. Goodwill/savers are even pricey and its really hit or miss that I'll find something for my body type there. Huge time suck and with Ellie nearly impossible. So I wear my work out clothes. I go to the grocery store after I work out because I don't want fresh stuff to spoil in the car. I love running or working out with a friend because our kids play together and its motivation to do something other than sit on the couch. I've got a cheap membership to a local fitness center so I can take classes and cross train. I took a PiYo class and was sore for no less than 5 days. And I mean sore. I'm running again but still with a small amount of pain. That 9 day break I took was hard but necessary. I don't want to give up on my body. I'll tread carefully here so I don't offend any friends. I'll never be as I was before pregnancies but I don't like the baby belly. I had 1 1/2 pregnancies and it shows. My diet can be improved, I've just been lazy. After the birthday cake is gone, its back to watching carbs (to a degree) and eating better. And core work, thats important.

I also love to see my girlfriends without my kid around. Coffee dates with old friends, moms nights out with new friends, on rare occasion, date night with my husband. Sometimes when life events are overwhelmingly stressful, I'll treat myself to a bottle of wine (and Eric gets a tub of ice cream, thats our deal). Infertility has finally taken a back seat to the rest of my life. It is a burden I no longer wish to carry with me anymore. Career change, getting a house (rented or bought) and starting foster care - to-adoption is what I like to focus on now. I can't change my infertility, I can change someone else's life.

My little baby is growing up so fast. She runs away from me as fast as she can most of the time. She tries to climb rock walls without assistance, she speaks in full sentences that most people can understand, she eats fairly well and loves seeing her friends. Sometimes I have no idea what she is trying to tell me (seriously "ines" ended up being "oranges") and she subs some wrong sounds in words she used to say correctly. She has zero interest in using the potty though, hoping that changes soon. She is a smart, growing, and amazing little girl. And I am blessed to be her mama.