Things I've learned

I've been thinking about all the things I've learned in the last 4 weeks of motherhood. Some are serious and some are funny. We'll see how many hours it takes me to write this blog out, haha.

1. I can fall asleep sitting straight up
2. I can get by with a lot less sleep then I thought possible
3. The help of family and friends is invaluable
4. Dishes can always be done tomorrow
5. Breastfeeding is actually not as easy as it looks, at least in the beginning, it gets better
6. When the little girl laughs, even when its just gas, you can't help but laugh
7. Watching daddy get in the little girls face just as she lets a belch out = Priceless
8. Support groups are great for getting out of the house and meeting new friends
9. Learning how to do things single handedly is difficult
10. Running simple errands like getting groceries is 10 fold harder with an infant
11. God bless the retail employees and other customers that think a newborns cry is just beautiful (as we hurry to get out of the store)
12. Trying to plan chores/errands around a 1 1/2 hour feeding schedule is nearly impossible

Everyone says "it gets easier" and I believe it will. Or honestly, who would have more then one kid? Hopefully in about 2 weeks when she is 6 weeks old we will have some semblance of a schedule and maybe start sleeping better.

A glimpse of life as a single parent

Its always hard for me when Eric has to leave town for a few days. Thank God, its not very often. I was 28 when I met Eric and I was fiercely independent, esp after my two years in Bolivia. I was living with my parents at the time only because of the return from Bolivia. Anyhow, shortly after getting married I discovered just how much I missed having him around when he had to travel. It was a weird feeling to get my mind wrapped around since had been single for so much of my adult life. I, of course, survived those short periods of time just fine.

And now... I have a 3 week old and a husband that is in South Dakota until Wednesday night. And I find myself pleading for friends and family to stop by just for adult conversation, a meal, and a shower. And maybe even a few mins to put laundry away or load the dishwasher. Its made me think about the single parent. God forgive me if I have ever judged the single parent! I don't know how on earth anyone can do this on their own! At three weeks, Ellie will  normally only sleep in arms (right now she is surprisingly asleep in her bassinet which is allowing me to write this blog), and when she is awake is crying 90% of the time for unknown reasons (fed and changed). She goes through 2-3 sleepers a day and I can't even count the diapers. She has acid reflux which makes her feedings and such a little harder to schedule since she often looses much of what she drinks. I know these days are short and as she gets bigger all of this will change. Who knows, maybe she knows its the dead of winter and is cranky cause she wants it to be spring too.

I try to get out of the house a few times a week, with or without the little girl. She doesn't like the car too much surprisingly. Between spitting up and stop and go traffic, she is just not a happy camper. I'm trying to find some jeans that will fit till my weight gets back to normal. I'm going to a parent support group called Cradle Talk that is a program of Edward Hospital. Lots o' little babies there! Its a nice open forum for questions and discussions with other moms and a mother/baby nurse from the hospital. I also am able to weigh Ellie between her doctor visits which is nice. Just 3 more weeks till my lifting weight restriction is done and hopefully the last of the soreness will be gone as well. Can't wait.

Some pictures of our angel

We don't spend a lot of time in the bouncy seat because its not upright enough for her to not throw up, we still try it every now and then.

Just a cute moment

Made by a friend at Eric's office. Ellie is less then thrilled

Some of her most beautiful moments are, of course, while sleeping

She is still not sure about the swing, working on trying it more often, again a throw up issue we are trying to avoid.

An outfit that was a gift that just happened to be perfect for Valentine's Day.

Eric's multi-tasking skills at their best.

Life with Ellie

Ah, a rare moment of quiet. Eric is on his ipad, Ellie is asleep in her bassinet (starting to fuss), and I have a moment to reflect on the last 11 days. We came home from the hospital a week ago yesterday and life has passed in a sleep deprived blur ever since. We got adventurous this week and went out 3 days in a row! Ellie and I both had doctor appointments, we also made a trip to Meijer and to the mall.

As most newborns do, Ellie likes to eat at least every two hours, usually more often than that. We are both finally getting the hang of the breastfeeding thing. That was one thing that really did surprise me, just how much technique there is to BF. She has had two follow up visits to the doc to check her weight gain. She had lost a full pound at the hospital and they were a little concerned about that. Once my milk came in fully she started gaining again just fine. Wednesday appointment she weighed in at 8 pounds 7 ounces. And considering she spits up more then half of what she takes in, that's pretty impressive. She is having some acid reflux type issues that we are addressing without medication. I love our doctor because she is not quick to prescribe meds if there is alternate means of treatment. So I am making sure she is not overfeeding, meaning shorter but more frequent feeds. Also keeping her as upright as possible and letting her sleep on her side rather then her back seems to be helping a lot as well.

She is staying awake for slightly longer periods of time lately but still sleeps the day away most of the time. Last night was the first night she didn't scream from 1-4am. That was when I started modifying her feedings, short but frequent. She would getting into the cycles of feed (over-eat), spit up, and scream because she was empty again. Good thing our neighbor is a sound sleeper. Last night we all got a little more sleep. Hoping for the same again tonight.

Me? I'm fine. My doctor checked my incision and it continues to heal well. I haven't needed to take any painkillers at all in the last couple of days. Still tender to the touch but my weight is down from 140 to 116. Looking forward to the day that I can fit into my jeans again. Or I might be making a trip to Goodwill to get some new ones, we shall see.

Around mid-day I hit a wall of exhaustion and take as long of a nap as Elliana will allow me to. But most of the day we sit around the living room watching the Olympics and feeding/sleeping the day away. She screams through every diaper change and every bathtime. And she is the noisiest pooper of any baby I have ever taken care of! Speaking of which, she is calling for me now, so I will end this here.

Elliana Rose: a birth story

We had a birth plan. It was a good birth plan. We rehearsed it, bought special things for it, we were ready!

In a perfect world, I would go into labor at home. I would ignore early labor by cooking or playing games or walking. When it became too much I would lay down and Eric would help me to relax with aromatherapy, visualization, water therapy, and massage. When the contractions were closer then 5 mins we would go to the hospital to be checked in. We would get through the rest of labor without the use of drugs and other interventions. My water would break during the pushing stage, we would deliver her and she would be given to me immediately. We would be home from the hospital in two days.

They warn you that having a birth plan is good but not to be married to it. And I did take that to heart because this is NOT a perfect world. And we have come so far, have spent so much money, been through too much to risk anything bad happening to our baby. In the end, the goal was always to have a healthy baby. And a beautiful healthy baby girl is what we have... this is what really happened the day(s) Elliana came into the world.

Its funny looking back now, on Saturday Feb 1st I had asked friends on facebook to try to predict her birthdate. We were one week away from our expected due date and I thought it would be fun. That night I showed a sign that labor might be close but it wasn't for sure. So I didn't do anything different. Went to bed as normal and work up multiple times in the night for the bathroom, again, totally normal. When I woke up just before 5am for like the 5th time I was getting super aggravated. On the way to the bathroom I felt a gush. Ick, I know. Discovered I had gushed blood. Quite a bit too. I got Eric up and called Labor and Delivery like I was suppose too. I wasn't in labor but the blood worried me. They told me to come in ASAP.

So we hastily threw a few more things into the hospital bag. Before we left, I was 99% sure that my bag of water had ruptured, still wasn't in labor. I was half convinced that the hospital was going to send us back home. We made it to the hospital in 10 mins and arrived around 6am. Called the parents on the way in just so everyone knew that that it was possibly the day.

My bag of water really really broke at the hospital when I was getting checked out. First thing to happen out of line with my birth plan. The second thing was that there was a lot of meconium (babies first bowel movement) in the amniotic fluid. That complicated things right away. There is a danger with the meconium that she could inhale the stuff into her lungs and cause infection/distress. They hooked me up to the fetal monitor which showed very very minor contractions that I couldn't feel, gave me an IV and told me I wasn't going to be able to eat until after I had delivered.

OK, so I wasn't on target with my birth plan but I still believed we could deliver naturally as planned. My mom came and hung out in Labor and Delivery for most of the morning but nothing was happening. I was talking and joking and getting prepared for the hard stuff. Eric and I walked the halls hoping to get things going. Walking with the IV pole and I husband with a still sore ankle was all sorts of fun, we gave that up pretty quick. I could feel some of the contractions at this point but again, they were very small and irregular. 12pm rolls around and I had made 0 progress in labor in 6 hours. Time clock on me was 18 hours of labor since the water breaking and meconium made the risk of infection very high. Around 1 or 2 I finally had to give in and allow them to give me the dreaded Pitocin to jump start labor. Our nurse for most of the day was a lady we know from church so that was really comforting that she was there. The Pitocin did its job and boy, I was miserable. Contractions in my back and in my abdomen. Eric did what he could to remind me to relax and not fight the pain. I was actually doing really good with that! I lost all track of time at this point and all I could do was get through the contractions.

At some point, I totally have no idea what time it was, the nurse came in and was suddenly concerned about Ellie's heart rate. It had been "ok" the whole day, staying around 150 and going up to 160/170 when she was moving. Well, her heart rate was staying at 180 and no going back down. A sign of distress and possible infection. They had me change positions a couple of times, trying to find a way that would get her heart rate back down. They put an oxygen mask on me and that was when I started getting scared. By now, my doctor was onsite and not leaving. They decided to discontinue using the Pitocin for the contractions. That helped her heart rate (I think) but then she was doing the opposite. Her heart rate wasn't coming up quick enough after each contraction and without the Pitocin, the contractions were less intense and more irregular. *EDIT - forgot to mention that I was not progressing as far as dilation goes, all that time and I was only at 4cm. :(

Then I heard the dreadful word C-section. By now it was midnight. I was actually drifting into semi-sleep between contractions. I was exhausted, in pain, and very scared. I told Eric to just save the baby. I signed the consents for the C-section but I could've been signing anything they wanted at that point. The rest of it is nearly a blur. They prepped me, sent Eric away with all our stuff to get ready in another room. Moved me to the OR gave me a spinal (that was all sorts of fun) and strapped down my numb body. I was shaking like a leaf and I was wondering when Eric was ever going to get in there to be with me. I kept asking where he was. He finally came in and within minutes we could here our baby for the first time. And was she ever a loud one! The cleaned her up, made sure she didn't have meconium in her lungs and gave her to Eric. My arms were strapped down and I was still shaking uncontrollably. Eric put her skin to my face but that was all we could do. Finally he left with her to do skin-on-skin in the recovery room while they stapled me up. In recovery, I finally got to hold my little girl and I finally stopped shaking. Two hours later we were moved to our mother and baby room where we stayed for 4 days before being released.

And that is our birth story. 2/3/14 9 pounds even, 19 inches long. More to come...

Frustration

I should not be frustrated. I should be grateful. I should be happy. I should be a lot of things. But right now I am frustrated and discouraged. Here I am at 38w 2d and nothing has changed since last weeks OB check. They did the NST which baby girl wanted to sleep through, I had to poke her quite a bit to get her moving. The test is pointless if they don't see the heart accelerations with her movements. Once she was awake she did fine. So that makes me happy. The growth ultrasound estimates her weight at 8 pounds. They predict a birth weight (at the due date 2/8) of 8 pounds 10 ounces.  I have no problem believing she is 8 pounds! So I am happy that she is on schedule as far as her weight goes. I am also quite relieved that they are not pushing me to induce labor, at least not yet. That would be the first step in a direction that I really do not want to go. I whole heartedly believe that she will come when she is good and ready to come, and not a day before.

That said, I do feel a little deflated. Feel a little like I'm going to be pregnant forever. All the walking, tea drinking, yoga ball bouncing that I've been doing for the last week hasn't changed or encouraged anything to start happening. We are so ready for this baby! We've stocked up on groceries, I've baked and frozen yummy food for later, everything, I mean everything, is done and ready. Except for baby girl. She isn't ready yet. I need to be patient and let her come in her own time. And try to get some sleep when I can.

feeling a little wierd

This has just been a weird feeling day. I slept awful last night but that is more the rule these days then the exception. Baby is so low that every movement is basically a punch to my bladder. That's fine, I can deal with it. Its getting me prepared for many a sleepless night to come. After I finally got up this morning I had breakfast as usual and was at my computer doing my regular checks of my websites when I had a pretty strong lightheaded/nauseous feeling.  Baby has been moving around pretty good all day and that's always a good sign. Ever since then I've had just a fuzzy almost disconnected feeling in my head. I went over to my parents and did my two miles on the treadmill. Managed to do that with only 3-4 potty breaks in the space of 45 mins, geez.

Came home from walking and was starving and wolfed down leftover dinner and chocolate chip cookies. Then, to my amazement, I was actually able to take a real nap. I haven't successfully had a real nap in months. Mostly just what I would call periods of rest. Not real sleep. Finally got myself off the couch and started looking for something to do.

Eric is off today and keeps checking in to make sure I'm ok. His truck won't start so he has the car which means I can't go anywhere anyway. His truck does this when its super cold. Its either the battery or the starter that is going bad. Normal days it works fine.

Tonight we have the final games of volleyball of the season. We are going just to show support of the team since Eric is still hobbling around on the sprained ankle. He can do so now without the cane but it is still painful for him. With the way this day is going, I'll probably spend most of the games in the bathroom!

So really, nothing is happening except the funny feeling in my head, the lowness of the baby, and feeling tired. No contractions or anything like that. Next appointment is Monday and of course its suppose to be 0 degrees out again. But this is the beginning of the end of the pregnancy and that makes me happy :)