The worst kept secret

A few posts ago I re-told our infertility story. I know a lot of you read it. I know a lot of you share in that same grief, the ups and downs, the heartbreak. And a lot of you don't. But you have been nothing but supportive and caring of us as we journey down this hard road together. Today is also my 34th birthday. Cold and gloomy as it is, its still a good day. I have a few minutes to update this blog and then the kid will be up.

I ended the previous post with "waiting..." which often seems unending. We did another round of IVF (frozen transfer) on St. Patrick's day. Knowing that at some point this year, and perhaps sooner then later, Eric would have a munch anticipated job change and our insurance for infertility would disappear. So after taking Feb off of all meds and doctors appointments we dove in one more time. God's grace and the luck of the Irish was with us that day and I am happy to announce that tomorrow I will be 12 weeks pregnant with Gradberg baby #2! I was able to see "him" on the ultrasound on Monday only because the Doppler still can't pick up his heartbeat (tilted uterus makes it hard to find it while he is still so little) so they did a quick ultrasound and I got to see him moving his hands and feet around, trying to get his hand to his mouth. He turned and looked right at us! I love these little moments! His heart rate is great at 171 for those who care about such things. Due date is December 3rd*

I am now off of all medications to help sustain the pregnancy and thank God for that. Not all the meds are covered by insurance and I cringed every time I had to re-order. And this folks, is why we can't afford to buy a house! Infertility has really zapped our savings but for our family, it was worth it. This will be our last baby. We had dreamed of having 3 children but the cost is just too high. When these two are older we may still consider foster-to-adopt and possibly with an older child that needs a home but that's a long ways off from now.

And now for the "*" from above. Ellie's labor was a nightmare and absolutely nothing like how I wanted it all to go. She was 9 pounds and was delivered via C-section. I desperately want this baby to be delivered via VBAC. But my doctors have already told me that the likelihood of a VBAC is not great. The potential complications are numerous. They will not induce me at all (Pitocin only if needed to help labor along), if I don't go into labor on my own by Thanksgiving (39 weeks) they will schedule a C-section. Everything in me rebels against the idea of a scheduled C-section. Ellie was 9 pounds at 39 weeks and she broke her own water. I used to firmly believe that babies will come when the baby is ready. But then I have some dear friends who get induced every time because nature does not just take its course and sometimes those babies are big. Anyway, some people have told me to find a different doctor who is more understanding of the desire for a VBAC but with the IVF and the previous C-section I really can't go see a mid-wife. I really need doctors. I won't be so stubborn as to risk my baby. I'm not even insisting on a natural birth at this point. I just don't want another surgery. So we will see what is what come November. They will continue to monitor baby's growth and as before, non-stress tests every week for the last month. We also have an echocardiogram in July at 19 weeks and we will also learn gender at that time.

In comparison to Ellie's first trimester:
-very little nausea
-no food aversions
-extreme fatigue
-early baby bump (been in maternity pants for 3 weeks already!)
-perhaps a boy???? Eh, who knows :)