So close... and yet so far

Are we there yet? I know I must have asked my parents that question a million times on road trips when I was a youngin'. I remember thinking it just took forever to get to the beach and all of 5 mins to drive back home.

I was hoping the holidays would speed time up a little for us. And in a way it has, we are already at the end of November with a packed schedule to look forward to for December. Yet, I find myself bothered by a pretty significant thought. And that's the money. Money, money, money. Eric and I are the best savers and budget crunchers you'll probably ever meet. And God has blessed us both with work and so between the two paychecks and our "voluntary poverty" gifts (yes, we actually ranked pretty high in that in a spiritual gifts test) we have been able to save quite a bit of money away. At the time, we thought it was savings for a house (probably a fixer upper) and then infertility came along. And with it a pretty significant price tag. Yes, we have insurance and yes it does cover a lot. But it doesn't cover everything and we have a high deductible plan besides. So come January, zap, goes our savings.

And yet... this is the season of giving, of being selfless, of being generous financially. And all I can think of is "we need our money, now more than ever." That's not to say that we aren't giving gifts this year (in fact I'm already done with my side :)) but we have scaled back significantly and donations to non-profits will be taking a hit this year too. We are saving up for the best gift anyone can ask for... a family. And more than one friend has reminded us, that once you hold your baby in your arms for the first time, you'll know that it was all worth it.

And then there is the other thought..."what happens if we invest all this money and it still doesn't work"? We are hoping and praying with all our hearts that this will not be the outcome.

I took a count of how many women I know that are pregnant right now. Five. At least 5 that have announced their pregnancies. And for some reason, last night that just made me feel a little sad. But life is what it is. Families work out differently for different people. I have friends that are at the end of their adoption process and are just waiting. I have friends that are just at the beginning of their process. I have friends that are pregnant, friends with kids, friends that are still trying to find "the one." And I appreciate how all of you have reached out to me in the ways that you have. I may not be very good at showing it but you have all touch my heart and I will always remember that and be thankful.